So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
If its not for food we ain't going out.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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