Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
