Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
