I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
