I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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