Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
