Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
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Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
So vagazzling was a success
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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