gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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