Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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