im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
