How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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