we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
