brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Randomize
