I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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