Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
