I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
