Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
