Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
