I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
