It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
