i don't like sucking hair
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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