I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
