3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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