i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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