I'd wear matching sweaters with you
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
