Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
