I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
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