Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
my poor anus
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
