We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
