You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
