yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Even my vagina gasped.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
