Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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