I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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