some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize