we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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