Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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