her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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