I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
