gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
the day after is always just damage control
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
