i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
