I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
