Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
