I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
