i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
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i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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