The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
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So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
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Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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