Your face is a jimmy john
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
