lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
