Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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