I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
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Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
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Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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