I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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