god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
