I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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