The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I don't deserve a penis
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
i now understand why vodka
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
