i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
3 2 1 whiskey
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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