She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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