What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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