We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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