Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
