Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
