I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
