i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
