There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
