I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
