dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
