If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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