These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
