shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
