My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
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I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
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We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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