The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
