Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
We left the knife in your bed.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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